That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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