I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
