Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
