I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
