Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
