whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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