you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
