you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
