I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
