My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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