do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
