I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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