Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
