I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dicks are not precious.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
