shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize