dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
