I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
