Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I will be naked everywhere
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
