I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
