i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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