On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize