That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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