just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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