yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize