The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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