Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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