sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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