just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
