Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize