pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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