but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
