O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
