you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
