how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
