Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
