So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
