He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
