just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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