I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
