does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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