I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
