Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
