Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
