On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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