you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
