For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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