Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
