yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
