i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
