She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
