so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
