I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
