I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this will be a night to untag.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
