The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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