You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
