after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
