1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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