there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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