True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
