K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize