I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Randomize
