I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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