oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize