I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
