Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
