I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
