if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
