why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
