You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
