could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can I color on your dick again?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
