He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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