It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
