Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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